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Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Teacher
High
Reading
Funny
Kids
Online
School
Sex
Remember
Died
Today
Humor
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At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
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Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
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I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.
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My forte is awkwardness.
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I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
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My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
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When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
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'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do interesting things. Look, if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it's just a miniseries.
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A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
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I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.
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I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
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Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
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I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
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The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.
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My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
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I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of - my mom once told me, You've probably got a woman at every port. Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.
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My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.
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Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.
Zach Galifianakis
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
Zach Galifianakis
