Quote

I have to stop crying when I watch The View. It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Zach Galifianakis

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Funny
Sorry
Hands
View
Feel
Watches
Feels
Watch
Couch
Humor
Couches
Views
Topics
Stop
Crying
Hand
Cry

More quotes by Zach Galifianakis

Image
The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out I don't think it really exists anymore.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'
Zach Galifianakis
Image
Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I think if you come out to California trying to be an actor, it's pretty hard. There's desperation. A lot of people are desperate, and a lot of people are clueless, including me. It's hard to try to figure it out. I've never told you, but I have head shots that if you saw them... they're so terrible! It's so embarrassing.
Zach Galifianakis
Image
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
Zach Galifianakis