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I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Writing
Nose
Noses
Staring
Humor
Stop
Called
Siamese
Funny
Twins
Book
Attached
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When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
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My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.
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My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
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I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.
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I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.
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I have to stop crying when I watch The View. It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
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My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
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I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.
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You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.
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I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
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I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.
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I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.
Zach Galifianakis
My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.
Zach Galifianakis
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
Zach Galifianakis
Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis
