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I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Humor
Stop
Siamese
Called
Twins
Funny
Attached
Book
Nose
Writing
Noses
Staring
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I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.
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I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'
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Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
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You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
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I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.
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I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
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There was a long time where I was an artist in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
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I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.
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I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
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When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.
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Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
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I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.
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My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
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Hookers don't like to snuggle.
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I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, What the hell is this? This person's happy! You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.
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There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.
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My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
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At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
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