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I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Like
Anybody
Stand
Times
Tell
Place
Certain
Self
Employed
Kind
Advantage

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My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
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I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'
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Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
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My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
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I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
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I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say I didn't like 9/11.
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You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.
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I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
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I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.
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Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
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At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
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I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
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You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
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I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.
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American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
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I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'
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Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
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We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics.
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I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
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