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I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Heights
Height
Glad
Terrible
Hate

More quotes by Zach Galifianakis

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Reciting lines is hard making stuff up is much, much easier.
Zach Galifianakis
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If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
Zach Galifianakis
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I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
Zach Galifianakis
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I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.
Zach Galifianakis
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Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
Zach Galifianakis
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I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
Zach Galifianakis
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There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.
Zach Galifianakis
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American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
Zach Galifianakis
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Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk I'll take it!
Zach Galifianakis
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My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
Zach Galifianakis
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My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.
Zach Galifianakis
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I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
Zach Galifianakis
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
Zach Galifianakis
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I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
Zach Galifianakis
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I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.
Zach Galifianakis
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I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.
Zach Galifianakis
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I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
Zach Galifianakis
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You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
Zach Galifianakis
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I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
Zach Galifianakis
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I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.
Zach Galifianakis