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There was a long time where I was an artist in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Artist
Money
Also
Back
Long
Never
Quotes
Time
Girlfriend
Guess
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.
Zach Galifianakis
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
Zach Galifianakis
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
Zach Galifianakis
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
Zach Galifianakis
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
Zach Galifianakis
When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.
Zach Galifianakis
I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of - my mom once told me, You've probably got a woman at every port. Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
Zach Galifianakis
My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
Zach Galifianakis
Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.
Zach Galifianakis
My forte is awkwardness.
Zach Galifianakis
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says Forever.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell I have diarrhea is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.
Zach Galifianakis
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.
Zach Galifianakis
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.
Zach Galifianakis
Hookers don't like to snuggle.
Zach Galifianakis
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
Zach Galifianakis
I have to stop crying when I watch The View. It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Zach Galifianakis
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
Zach Galifianakis
