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I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
School
Back
Enough
Something
Versed
Constitutional
Office
Law
Running

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I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell I have diarrhea is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.
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I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
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There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.
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I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.
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I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
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My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
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Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.
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I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
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I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony.
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I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
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I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.
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I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
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I have to stop crying when I watch The View. It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
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I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
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People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. I mean, the Internet is the only reason that I've gotten work is because I've somehow created a line and people have seen it. And then I've been asked to auditions.
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It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.
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I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.
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I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.
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I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
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That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.
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