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I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Something
Versed
Constitutional
Office
Law
Running
School
Back
Enough

More quotes by Zach Galifianakis

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Reciting lines is hard making stuff up is much, much easier.
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My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.
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I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.
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You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.
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The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.
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Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.
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I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
Zach Galifianakis
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Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
Zach Galifianakis
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I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
Zach Galifianakis
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I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.
Zach Galifianakis
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I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work, it's really quite the opposite of what I am. I like sensitive art-house movies. I'm not even much of a partier. I mean, I'll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car.
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My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.
Zach Galifianakis
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Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
Zach Galifianakis
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That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.
Zach Galifianakis
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I think if you come out to California trying to be an actor, it's pretty hard. There's desperation. A lot of people are desperate, and a lot of people are clueless, including me. It's hard to try to figure it out. I've never told you, but I have head shots that if you saw them... they're so terrible! It's so embarrassing.
Zach Galifianakis
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American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
Zach Galifianakis
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I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Zach Galifianakis
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I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.
Zach Galifianakis
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Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis
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I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'
Zach Galifianakis