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A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Audience
Wrong
Sometimes
Good
Always
Think
Thinking
Lead
Stand
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
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My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
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My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
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You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
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I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.
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I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.
Zach Galifianakis
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says Forever.
Zach Galifianakis
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
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My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
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As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
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I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
Zach Galifianakis
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
Zach Galifianakis
Reciting lines is hard making stuff up is much, much easier.
Zach Galifianakis
I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.
Zach Galifianakis
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
Zach Galifianakis
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
Zach Galifianakis
Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.
Zach Galifianakis
I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.
Zach Galifianakis
You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.
Zach Galifianakis
