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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Things
Watch
Head
Write
Onstage
Night
Pops
Three
Fail
Writing
Jokes
Trying
Failing
Every
Watches
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.
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Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
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I have to stop crying when I watch The View. It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
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If you see something, say something.
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Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk I'll take it!
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There was a long time where I was an artist in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
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I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called God, I Hope That's a Mole.
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As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
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We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the Girlfriend in a Coma is, like, really funny.
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My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
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The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says Forever.
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That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.
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I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, What the hell is this? This person's happy! You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.
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Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'
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Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
Zach Galifianakis
I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
Zach Galifianakis
I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.
Zach Galifianakis
I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
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You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
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