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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Write
Onstage
Night
Pops
Three
Fail
Writing
Jokes
Trying
Failing
Every
Watches
Things
Watch
Head
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.
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My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.
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I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.
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At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
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I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
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I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say I didn't like 9/11.
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Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
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Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
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Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.
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I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.
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My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
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The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out I don't think it really exists anymore.
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If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
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The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says Forever.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
Zach Galifianakis
I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
Zach Galifianakis
My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.
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My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
Zach Galifianakis
You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
Zach Galifianakis
