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Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk I'll take it!
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 54
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Wake
Erection
Humor
Clerk
Comedy
Clerks
Funny
Yell
Find
Massage
Ever
Sales
Take
Chair
Chairs
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'
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Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
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I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'
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I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
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I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.
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I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
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People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.
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I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.
Zach Galifianakis
When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies.
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My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
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I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
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Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'
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I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.
Zach Galifianakis
You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.
Zach Galifianakis
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Zach Galifianakis
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
Zach Galifianakis
I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'
Zach Galifianakis
I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
Zach Galifianakis
Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.
Zach Galifianakis