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My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Smells
Scratch
Scratches
Smell
Failure
Humor
Funny
Sniff
Like
Onions

More quotes by Zach Galifianakis

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Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk I'll take it!
Zach Galifianakis
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I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
Zach Galifianakis
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We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the Girlfriend in a Coma is, like, really funny.
Zach Galifianakis
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I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Zach Galifianakis
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My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.
Zach Galifianakis
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Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
Zach Galifianakis
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My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
Zach Galifianakis
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I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called God, I Hope That's a Mole.
Zach Galifianakis
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As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
Zach Galifianakis
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I call my balls the bush twins.
Zach Galifianakis
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I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.
Zach Galifianakis
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You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.
Zach Galifianakis
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If you see something, say something.
Zach Galifianakis
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People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. I mean, the Internet is the only reason that I've gotten work is because I've somehow created a line and people have seen it. And then I've been asked to auditions.
Zach Galifianakis
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
Zach Galifianakis
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You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
Zach Galifianakis
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I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.
Zach Galifianakis
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There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.
Zach Galifianakis
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You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
Zach Galifianakis
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I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
Zach Galifianakis