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I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Love
Raisins
Grandparents
Grandparent
Walked
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Making

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I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
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I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
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I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
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You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
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My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
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I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
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I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.
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My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
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There was a long time where I was an artist in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
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I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
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I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.
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Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.
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I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
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If you see something, say something.
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I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.
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I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
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When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
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