Quote

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
High
Talk
Funny
Thought
Cafeteria
School
Weren
Used
Necessarily
People
Choice
Choices

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I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.
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I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.
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A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
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The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out I don't think it really exists anymore.
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I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
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I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
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I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'
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My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
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There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.
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I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.
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I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work, it's really quite the opposite of what I am. I like sensitive art-house movies. I'm not even much of a partier. I mean, I'll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car.
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I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.
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You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
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I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.
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I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
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Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
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I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
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Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.
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