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You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Funny
Problem
Never
Bartender
Bars
Drinking
Humor
Name
Names
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
Zach Galifianakis
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called God, I Hope That's a Mole.
Zach Galifianakis
Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.
Zach Galifianakis
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
Zach Galifianakis
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
Zach Galifianakis
You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.
Zach Galifianakis
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
Zach Galifianakis
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
Zach Galifianakis
I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
Zach Galifianakis
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Zach Galifianakis
The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.
Zach Galifianakis
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
Zach Galifianakis
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
Zach Galifianakis
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.
Zach Galifianakis
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, What the hell is this? This person's happy! You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.
Zach Galifianakis
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
Zach Galifianakis
The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.
Zach Galifianakis
You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.
Zach Galifianakis
