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I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Moving
Dream
Pakistan
India
Becoming
Humor
Comedy
Funny

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I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
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I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.
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I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'
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I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.
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The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.
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I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.
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My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
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There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.
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Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.
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My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
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I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
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You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.
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I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
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The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.
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That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.
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As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
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I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.
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I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
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Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis