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I had a very funny family.

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Funny
Family

More quotes by Zach Braff

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Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
Zach Braff
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What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Zach Braff
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I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog
Zach Braff
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I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.
Zach Braff
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I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
Zach Braff
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The way I write is that I'll actually have a conversation out loud with myself. In a weird way, I just kind of get schizophrenic and play two characters.
Zach Braff
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If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.
Zach Braff
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When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.
Zach Braff
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It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.
Zach Braff
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I'm a big proponent of 'Don't Ask, Don't tell,' in fact, I enforce it strictly on all of my dates. First, I don't ask them for sex, and then I warn them not to tell anyone after I'm through.
Zach Braff
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Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.
Zach Braff
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Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD.
Zach Braff
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Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
Zach Braff
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If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?
Zach Braff
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So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.
Zach Braff
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I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.
Zach Braff
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It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.
Zach Braff
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I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?
Zach Braff
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Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint.
Zach Braff
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I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do
Zach Braff