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If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Zach
Stay
Born
Come
Mean
Streamlined
Outlawed

More quotes by Zach Braff

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Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.
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I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?
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The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
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You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.
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I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.
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What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
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I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths?
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Look on the bright side that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.
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I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.
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At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.
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If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten shot before I made 'Garden State', yeah, that's a tragedy, but some red-state hick getting his legs blown off? Come on.
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So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.
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I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.
Zach Braff
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They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.
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I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff.
Zach Braff
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Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn't say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn't the one who got shot.
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The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?
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I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.
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One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me? I paid two mobsters five million dollars each to throw her off the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas.
Zach Braff
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Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
Zach Braff