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It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Amendments
Pretty
Since
Ever
Much
Downhill
Amendment

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To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I go through.
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I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?
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In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist.
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I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!
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Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
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Im just not really attracted to black chicks.
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It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?' That's when I made the call, that's when I decided seven was enough
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They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.
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Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually.
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Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.
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Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.
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She can't say no if she's unconscious.
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Probably the most memorable even of my life is when I was born. It really made me who I am. If I die, I hope to go out the same way I came in, but I don't think my mother would be into that.
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I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.
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Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
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Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.
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I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I was famous. That's when I knew I'd hit it big.
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You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.
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Hitler was about population control.
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I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.
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