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It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.
Zach Braff
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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Actually
Half
Show
Funny
Ricky
Shows
Talented
Would
Guess
Terrible
Maybe
More quotes by Zach Braff
I once looked in the mirror at myself and noticed that, without a doubt, I am a sexy man. In fact, I don't think I'll ever get married...it just wouldn't be fair for my spouse to catch me enjoying a look in the mirror more than having sex with her.
Zach Braff
Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.
Zach Braff
Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
Zach Braff
Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.
Zach Braff
I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.
Zach Braff
I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.
Zach Braff
I wouldn't call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine.
Zach Braff
Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?
Zach Braff
Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.
Zach Braff
Gay men in L.A. are all a bunch of tens looking for an eleven.
Zach Braff
I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.
Zach Braff
The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.
Zach Braff
I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.
Zach Braff
I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging.
Zach Braff
I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.
Zach Braff
I went to film school and wanted to learn everything there was about making movies.
Zach Braff
Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing
Zach Braff
I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I was famous. That's when I knew I'd hit it big.
Zach Braff
Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.
Zach Braff
People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he's so great how come he can't see? I mean, God doesn't make mistakes, just look at me for example.
Zach Braff