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Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Living
Shape
Shows
Shapes
Needs
Line
People
Poverty
Lines
Effort
Anyone
Shipped
Show
Famous

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I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.
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I'm sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it's all going according to plan and some weeks where you're super frustrated.
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I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.
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Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?
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That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song.
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It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.
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Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.
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You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
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Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?
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I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.
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I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.
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I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.
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Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.
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It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?' That's when I made the call, that's when I decided seven was enough
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When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.
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I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.
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After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins
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Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.
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When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.
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It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.
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