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I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging.

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Think
State
Boxes
Thinking
Hours
Picture
Like
Success
Garden
Two
Capable
States
Office
Without
Taking
Portman
Take
Industry
Chris
Would
Movie
Carrying

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I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.
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I wouldn't call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine.
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When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.
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A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.
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You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.
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I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives.
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I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.
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I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.
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People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.
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I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?
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I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
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I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.
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I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?
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I'm a big proponent of 'Don't Ask, Don't tell,' in fact, I enforce it strictly on all of my dates. First, I don't ask them for sex, and then I warn them not to tell anyone after I'm through.
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I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?
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Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't sway that way, you know?
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I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?
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I am really driven, but my drive doesn't effect the conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities.
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Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD.
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What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
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