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I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Mentions
Bible
Real
Never

More quotes by Zach Braff

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Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me
Zach Braff
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I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.
Zach Braff
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One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me? I paid two mobsters five million dollars each to throw her off the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas.
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Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.
Zach Braff
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I think the Bible should be re-written for today's society. We can call it 'Scrubs.'
Zach Braff
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If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
Zach Braff
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When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.
Zach Braff
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They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.
Zach Braff
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One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I'm a doctor on TV. I'm also a real doctor. But I'm also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.
Zach Braff
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What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Zach Braff
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I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.
Zach Braff
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In my opinion, one of the biggest drawbacks about Sergio Leone films are the scores composed by Ennio Morricone. If [Leone] were as talented as I am, he would have made mixtapes for his movies instead of letting some schmuck write the soundtracks for him. But then if he were as talented as I am, he'd be Zach Braff. And have his own Grammy.
Zach Braff
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The fact that 'Scrubs' is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I'm helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.
Zach Braff
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Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.
Zach Braff
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When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.
Zach Braff
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I didn't necessarily have a total idea when I was writing the movie of where everything was going. I just wanted to have really realistic dialogue and write like people I knew talked. I tried to keep it very real.
Zach Braff
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I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.
Zach Braff
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I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.
Zach Braff
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I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
Zach Braff
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I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.
Zach Braff