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Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Shows
Invisible
Autograph
Kids
Totally
Markers
Best
Fortune
Retarded
Picture
Autographs
Later
Ink
Asks
Saves
Show
Fake
Tell
Sign

More quotes by Zach Braff

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I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.
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I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.
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I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
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Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'
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I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.
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Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.
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I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.
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A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.
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People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2.
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I'm hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it.
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Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
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I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff.
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If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.
Zach Braff
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If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
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I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
Zach Braff
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I was originally set to star in 'The Bourne Identity,' but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.
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I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?
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I have no desire to make money off musicians. I just want to promote them because I want to share music.
Zach Braff
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I think the saddest moments in life have humor in them. I have a memory of coming home from a funeral with my family in the back of a limousine and someone cracking a joke and us just hysterically belly laughing. It's how we always dealt with tragedy in our lives and I think it's such a healthy way to deal with sadness.
Zach Braff
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I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.
Zach Braff