Quote

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

Zach Braff

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Best
Fortune
Retarded
Picture
Autographs
Later
Ink
Asks
Saves
Show
Fake
Tell
Sign
Shows
Invisible
Autograph
Kids
Totally
Markers

More quotes by Zach Braff

Image
I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.
Zach Braff
Image
Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.
Zach Braff
Image
My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.
Zach Braff
Image
At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.
Zach Braff
Image
Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!
Zach Braff
Image
A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.
Zach Braff
Image
Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.
Zach Braff
Image
Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.
Zach Braff
Image
If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten shot before I made 'Garden State', yeah, that's a tragedy, but some red-state hick getting his legs blown off? Come on.
Zach Braff
Image
I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.
Zach Braff
Image
If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
Zach Braff
Image
I'm sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it's all going according to plan and some weeks where you're super frustrated.
Zach Braff
Image
A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it should be considered 'racist' to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
Zach Braff
Image
Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something.
Zach Braff
Image
I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?
Zach Braff
Image
If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.
Zach Braff
Image
I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
Zach Braff
Image
Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like.
Zach Braff
Image
When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.
Zach Braff
Image
I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.
Zach Braff