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I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Something
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Maybe
Confederacy
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History
Emancipation
Culture
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Black
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Slavery
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More quotes by Zach Braff

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To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I go through.
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I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away.
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You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.
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The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way.
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You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.
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Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.
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I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.
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People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.
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I always wanted to direct movies. That's what I set out to do. When I was a little kid I just dreamed of making movies, and I went to film school [at Northwestern University].
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I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.
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I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.
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If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.
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The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?
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It's hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
Zach Braff
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I'm a busy guy I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don't know the difference and, let's face it, they aren't going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
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In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention.
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Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually.
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When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.
Zach Braff
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Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.
Zach Braff
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Working on 'Scrubs' made me feel guilty because I realized that if I had decided to become an actual doctor, instead of just playing one, I could probably have found a cure to cancer within five years.
Zach Braff