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I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

Zach Braff

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Zach Braff
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: April 6
Actor
Blogger
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
South Orange
New Jersey
Zachary Israel Braff
Zachary Zach Braff
Ideas
Leaving
Always
Starting
Things
Behinds
Like
Behind
Rescuing
Rest
Ark
Story
Noah
Idea
Anew
Stories
Liked

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When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.
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Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
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I think the saddest moments in life have humor in them. I have a memory of coming home from a funeral with my family in the back of a limousine and someone cracking a joke and us just hysterically belly laughing. It's how we always dealt with tragedy in our lives and I think it's such a healthy way to deal with sadness.
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My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.
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I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?
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Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she's saying. Come on, she's a woman. But still, it's very cute.
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I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?
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When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
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The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.
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I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.
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I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.
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Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.
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Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.
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I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?
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You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
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I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?
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My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.
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Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'
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Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
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