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In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

Yakov Smirnoff

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Yakov Smirnoff
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: January 24
Actor
Comedian
Odesa
Yakov Naumovich Pokhis
Mark
Jobs
America
Marx
Determines
Marks
Soviet
Determine
Russia

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The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
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Russian men have a saying: Women are like buses... That's it.
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I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
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Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.
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In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!
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We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
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I came to America to make it my home, and I did.
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In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads this is the reason we stop laughing.
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Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
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Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
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Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
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I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.
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I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.
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I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
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In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
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In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
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In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!
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In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.
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I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.
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It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
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