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In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

Yakov Smirnoff

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Yakov Smirnoff
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: January 24
Actor
Comedian
Odesa
Yakov Naumovich Pokhis
America
Marx
Determines
Marks
Soviet
Determine
Russia
Mark
Jobs

More quotes by Yakov Smirnoff

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I came to America to make it my home, and I did.
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In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
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We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.
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In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
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In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!
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When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter.
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In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads this is the reason we stop laughing.
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My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
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Never having alone time is real tough on people.
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I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.
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I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
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In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
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I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
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I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.
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I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.
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Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
Yakov Smirnoff
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A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original.
Yakov Smirnoff
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Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
Yakov Smirnoff
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Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
Yakov Smirnoff
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The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
Yakov Smirnoff