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In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

Yakov Smirnoff

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Yakov Smirnoff
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: January 24
Actor
Comedian
Odesa
Yakov Naumovich Pokhis
President
America
Assassinate
Soviet
Russia

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I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
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I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.
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A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original.
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In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads this is the reason we stop laughing.
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In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.
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In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
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The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
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I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.
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The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
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Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.
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In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
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We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
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When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter.
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Never having alone time is real tough on people.
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My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
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Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
Yakov Smirnoff
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In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!
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We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.
Yakov Smirnoff
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After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.
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Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.
Yakov Smirnoff