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In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

Yakov Smirnoff

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Yakov Smirnoff
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: January 24
Actor
Comedian
Odesa
Yakov Naumovich Pokhis
Female
Becomes
Loses
Funny
Male
Humorous
Males
Russia

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I fed my ego, but not my soul.
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Never having alone time is real tough on people.
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Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
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In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!
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After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.
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In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
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I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
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I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
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If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.
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A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original.
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It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
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I came to America to make it my home, and I did.
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The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
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In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!
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In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
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Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
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In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!
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Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.
Yakov Smirnoff
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I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.
Yakov Smirnoff
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Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
Yakov Smirnoff