Quote

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

Yakov Smirnoff

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Yakov Smirnoff
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: January 24
Actor
Comedian
Odesa
Yakov Naumovich Pokhis
Funny
Officers
Two
Propaganda
Back
Russia
Entertainment
Telling
Consisted
Comedy
Channels
Turn
Officer
Turns
Channel

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The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
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In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
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In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!
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In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads this is the reason we stop laughing.
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The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
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Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
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A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original.
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When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter.
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In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!
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Never having alone time is real tough on people.
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We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
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I came to America to make it my home, and I did.
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Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
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In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.
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In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
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I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
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I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.
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My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
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I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.
Yakov Smirnoff