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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Crabs
Stuffed
Request
Fluid
Meat
Lasts
Last
Embalming
Use
Crab
More quotes by Woody Allen
I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
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You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
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We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.
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Comedians have a tendency to have a limited range, they tend to do one thing and do it very well, but it's limited.
Woody Allen
Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
Woody Allen
You can't ride two horses with one behind.
Woody Allen
No one ever wants the whole script. I give the whole script to people who require the whole script but to those people who don't require the whole script I don't give it to them and no one cares. They're relieved not to have to read extra pages that they're not in.
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The movie is usually, for me, something organic that grows all the time. I sit home and write it, and I'm in an isolated, four-walled environment, and I don't know what's going on. I just write it, and it's appearing in my head in some idealized way where every single moment works, and every little thing is perfect, because it's in my head.
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
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I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.
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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
Woody Allen
... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Woody Allen
We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!
Woody Allen
I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
Woody Allen
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
Woody Allen
Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
Woody Allen
