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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Use
Crab
Crabs
Stuffed
Request
Fluid
Meat
Lasts
Last
Embalming

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I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I've grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
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My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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If you aren't failing every now and then, you're probably playing it too safe.
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
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Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing.
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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
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I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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