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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Fluid
Meat
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Last
Embalming
Use
Crab
Crabs
Stuffed
Request
More quotes by Woody Allen
Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively.
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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
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I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
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You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them.
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If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.
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It's all through the actors I cannot write in that idiom
Woody Allen
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
Woody Allen
