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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Afterwards
Except
Dying
Making
Love
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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I read in self-defense.
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
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To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
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You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
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Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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God is either cruel or incompetent.
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