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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Life
Confuse
Everything

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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
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You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer.
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
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The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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Why ruin a good story with the truth?
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
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