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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Instead
Grow
Grows
Tumor
Tumors
Depressed

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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
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I didn't know he was dead I thought he was British.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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One filmmaker makes films that are deep, intellectual, profound and confrontational. And the other one makes purely vacuous, escapist films. I'm not sure the one who makes escapist films is making a poorer contribution than the one who makes the deeper films.
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
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I am two with nature.
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