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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Grows
Tumor
Tumors
Depressed
Instead
Grow
More quotes by Woody Allen
Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody Allen
No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
Woody Allen
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
Woody Allen
I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
Woody Allen
Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
Woody Allen
I don't know enough to be incompetent.
Woody Allen
Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
Woody Allen
Take the money and run.
Woody Allen
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
Woody Allen
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
Woody Allen
[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
Woody Allen
I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
Woody Allen
There's no point in looking back, because there's nothing you can really do to improve the film. You can only aggravate and wish you had done stuff better.
Woody Allen
What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
Woody Allen
I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
In the event of war, I'm a hostage.
Woody Allen
Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
Woody Allen
Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
Woody Allen
Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
Woody Allen
If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right.
Woody Allen
