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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Buick
Spider
Spiders
Bathroom
Honey
Size

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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.
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When you make the film, there's a big difference between when you're in your own home at the typewriter, and when you're standing on a mountain, or on a street corner, and buses are coming by-it's a different reality. You make a million changes that were never in the script, but that reality dictates.
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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That's the way I feel about the world: there are certain problems that can only be dealt with that way - going out and doing them. As ugly a truth as that is, I do think it's the truth about the world.
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Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison. — If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it.
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
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