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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Spiders
Bathroom
Honey
Size
Buick
Spider

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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
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I've been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
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The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
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I've always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don't interfere with them too much. And then when they're great, take credit for it in the end.
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
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I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
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