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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Spiders
Bathroom
Honey
Size
Buick
Spider
More quotes by Woody Allen
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
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Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
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Sometimes the critics will like a film, and the public doesn't come. Sometimes the critics won't like the film, and the public will come. It's completely spontaneous. It's a hazard.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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