Quote

Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Spiders
Bathroom
Honey
Size
Buick
Spider

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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
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We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman.
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[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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There is dignity in suffering nobility in pain but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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