Quote

Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Honey
Size
Buick
Spider
Spiders
Bathroom

More quotes by Woody Allen

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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.
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People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.
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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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The content dictates the style all the time. That's the way it is. If the content of the film - as in Husbands and Wives - is highly jagged, neurotic, fast-paced, nervous New York film, it just called for that kind of shooting, editing and performance.
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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
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Humorists always sit at the children's table.
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Woody Allen
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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.
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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
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People think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
Woody Allen