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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
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The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I'm writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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I have great faith in the actors. When they improvise, it always sounds better than the stuff I write in my bedroom. When they improvise, they make it sound alive.
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Existence for eternity could get a little boring... especially towards the end.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?
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I see the glass half full...but of poison.
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
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