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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Crap
Golden
Joy
Wisdom
Getting
Tell
Kind
Years
Tripe

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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
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And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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I don't why whatever works and whatever doesn't. You just make the film that you enjoy making at the time, and you think there's a good chance that people might enjoy the story. You're surprised pleasantly when they do. It's just luck.
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
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The Jewish culture - people that are Jewish have a certain cultural habit that they've formed and one of those habits is an appreciation of theater and music - these are cultural things one does associate with values that are promulgated by Jewish families. I think that's a good thing.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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