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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Teleological
Agnostic
Existential

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
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Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health.
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
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The only love that lasts is unrequited love.
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
Woody Allen
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
Woody Allen