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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Years
Bowl
Love
Bowls
Sake
Married
Hold
Sakes
Head
Toilet
Woman
Toilets
Made
Threw
More quotes by Woody Allen
Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
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Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
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Our love, our love will last forever. It's forever but it just doesn't work. That's why it will always be romantic because it can not be complete.
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s.
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
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I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Woody Allen
There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.
Woody Allen
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage.
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There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It's conceivable that you will change but it's not likely.
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
Woody Allen
I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
Woody Allen
I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever.
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When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.
Woody Allen
