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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Made
Threw
Years
Bowl
Love
Bowls
Sake
Married
Hold
Sakes
Head
Toilet
Woman
Toilets

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Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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Music has always helped my films. In 'The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' you can hear 'Sunrise' by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.
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When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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I am two with nature.
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
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My parents were very Old World. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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Me and nature are two.
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I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
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