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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Made
Threw
Years
Bowl
Love
Bowls
Sake
Married
Hold
Sakes
Head
Toilet
Woman
Toilets

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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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