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I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Collecting
Security
Hell
Social
Years

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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
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A general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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Me and nature are two.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
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You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.
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Showing up is 80 percent of life.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
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Subjectivity is objective.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
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