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The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Dictatorship
Shut
Concerned
Democracy
Always

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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
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