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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
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When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
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Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
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Boy, the food at this place is really terrible. The other one says, Yeah, I know and such small portions. Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)
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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
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I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.
Woody Allen
It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen
